Original Article Here

Let me first say that I don’t disagree with his wanting to refrain from sex. I really couldn’t give a shit one way or the other what he does with his dick. He could choose to stick it in a cantaloupe for all I care. This post is more of a critique on his so called “logic” and “reasoning”. So, before you go and get your leopard print bikini style panties in a bunch, just know I do not hate on the man or his choice, simply his explanations given

My original one line response to this article was short and to the point, “The only decent reason you gave was having not fallen in love yet. The rest are just excuses”. It also seemed to get a few comments from other readers. Frankly, I answered that article when I was nearly exhausted and didn’t really feel like expanding too much on my original idea. As such, I am going to do so now.

So, I am going to go through his original post as I do with most of my responses, paragraph by paragraph. This makes for easier reference.

His first “reason” was that he needs to be in the “utmost physical and mental condition 24/7/365” which is understandable, but he goes about it in the wrong way. First, he goes about insinuating that having sex would completely drain him of energy or that he simply wouldn’t have the energy for it anyways. As someone who has never had sex, how would he know? Having sex (most of the time) isn’t equivalent to a triathlon, more like a heavy jog. I mean, those of us who have chosen to have sex, how many times do you get done and you’re completely out of breath, sweating bullets, and moments away from fainting? That’s what I thought, just about never. Also, don’t even try to tell me that you’re too tired for sex because of your job. I work ten hour days doing manual labor outside in the sun. Anyone else in the Midwest notice how hot it has been? After my day at work, I take an hour rest and then I go to the gym for about one and a half hours. Yup, I have the energy to go work out heavily for over an hour after my day of work and I do this EVERYDAY. You can’t tell me that a 20-minute romp in the sack is the same as my lifting sessions, sorry, no dice. Secondly, he brings up STDs.  This is a legitimate reason by anyone’s standards, but not exactly bullet proof. I understand if you don’t want to hook up with random people at each of your flight stops, I probably wouldn’t either and my morals are highly questionable as is. Now, if you wanted to have sex, I’m almost certain you have female friends who have at one point taken a liking to you. You could have easily taken advantage of the situation and talked to her about STDs, and if she said she is clean then BAM!  You’re set. There is more to this, but it ties into the main message to my response which I will not divulge yet. On a final note as far as health goes, multiple studies have shown positive results to having regular sex, both mental and physical.

Next he cites that he has other pleasurable things to occupy his time. I don’t have too much to argue with here, it’s great that he has other things to do than sex. However, everyone already has other things to do besides bang anything of the same species for pleasure. Just because you play guitar doesn’t mean it overtakes boning. There’s a reason why when a girl orgasms, she moans and writhes and screams. It feels THAT damn good. Can you tell me the last time somebody screamed out of pleasure from a guitar solo (post-Hendrix)? Lastly, once again, “my job” is brought up, like I’m surprised. Anyone noticing an overwhelming theme here? Hint hint for later…

Weee-eee-eelllll, what do ya know? His third reason is… HIS JOB. Holy crap, I’m shitting sparkles I’m so surprised. Sorry, but he already stated this one in his first paragraph. Shall I do some citing? I think so. In his first “reasoning” paragraph he made the simple statement “I can’t afford to miss work”. Guess what? That little sentence was so profound and covered so much that it literally made his third “reasoning” paragraph obsolete. We get it; he can’t miss work due to some anthrax-infused, Ebola-like gonorrhea. Also, he repeats the “I’ll be too tired” excuse. Yes it is an excuse, not a real reason. I’d like everyone reading this to do me a favor and count the times you’ve had sex, if you can, and then count how many times having sex has made you completely incapable of waking up on time for something important.  I’d venture to guess that the majority have a percentage ranging from .1%-1% of the time having sex makes them late for something important. Also, like I already pointed out, most sex isn’t a four to six hour fuck fest. So no, he isn’t going to lose a whole night’s sleep. Once again, someone without any experience is making guesses way off the mark.

Fourth is the pregnancy thing. As with the STD bit, not too much to complain about. He doesn’t think he’d make a good father? Then yeah, maybe he shouldn’t have kids. However, that’s where his comments should have ended as far as family goes. If the life of a pilot was so damn hectic and miserable in regards to a social life, then I’d venture to guess most wouldn’t have families at all. Of course, a number of them do and they maintain a home life. I realize that this comes with a price as for half the week, the wife would play single mom, at least in his situation working for a major airline that makes cross country trips. In the end though, having a family is perfectly possible, but I can’t hate on him if he thinks he wouldn’t make a good father. No need to put up with a family you don’t want.

Finally, in his last paragraph, I agree with everything he is saying. He points out that he’s never been in love. He noted that it had nothing to do with marriage, simply the fact that he wanted it to be with a woman he loved. As I said, no argument there. I waited until I was with a girl I loved as well. Granted I was much, much younger than this man, but still, I loved her.

Now that we’ve got the recap over with, I’m going to give my thoughts on why, overall, his logic and reasoning sucks. He’s not being honest with himself. The reason he hasn’t gotten laid yet is the result of having never fallen in love, nothing else. As he pointed out above, he lives a very busy life and I’m assuming his social life suffers to a certain degree because of it. I’d think it would be hard to start a worthwhile romantic relationship if I was gone 3-4 days a week as well. So, his job is to blame, but not for the reasons he cited. I mean, sure, perhaps they have a bit to do with it, but I believe the overlying issue is his time spent traveling.

Having other hobbies and having a decent job are things everyone has, yet having sex is rampant. By his “logic and reasoning” anyone who truly loved, respected, and wanted to hold onto their job would never have sex because of the risks to job security. Of course, this is ludicrous and 6+ billion people can attest to its absurdity.

I don’t judge his decision or his lifestyle. Like I said, do whatever, I don’t care, but I found his reasons shaky at best and to be more like excuses he tells himself instead of just facing the real reason. Who knows, maybe I’m just a sarcastic, know-it-all asshole who’s completely wrong. These are my thoughts though.

Critiques on my critique?

This is my (partially) sarcastic response to an article posted a few days ago.

This is recycled journal entry of mine from last summer and mostly applies to guys already in a relationship. Of course, these are just generalizations but they are true for me and, I assume, a good portion of the female population. Which is why I write my response. Take notes, majority.

1. Saying "I love you" or doing other cutesy things don't count if they're only done when you're in trouble. In fact, they will be completely ignored. False. Apologizing and topping it off with “I love you” wins every time.

2. We can't promise that we won't get mad when you tell the truth, but we WILL be even madder if you lie. This is a “risk-reward” scenario. If we tell the truth or you find out that we lied, you get mad. The only way to have you not get mad is to be a better liar. We just need to decide if the risk of getting caught is worth the reward of not having you bitch at us.

3. Women like frequent small shows of affection. Gross PDA is not encouraged, but things like a quick hug from behind or running your hand across our shoulders as you walk by is adorable. And if you expect that, you better realize we expect small favors too. Maybe not sex, but just a handjob here or there, nothing too difficult.

4. We can tell when you call b/c you feel like you have to and not b/c you want to. You know this because you have a lot of practice with guys who don’t feel like calling you “just because”. Maybe take the hint? We are not the penis-attachment version of your girlfriends.

5. Contrary to popular belief, most women won't try to blackmail you with sex, but if we're unhappy with you, we won't be "in the mood". If you want some action, you need to make us happy. I hear angry sex is the best… That’s all I’m saying. Also, you need to keep us happy. We like eye candy, so don’t give us a reason to lick it.

6. We look at how you treat your mother, how you treat your "inferiors", and how you act around children when evaluating you as a potential life-mate. You think we aren’t keeping an eye on you too?

7. Even nice girls like suggestive things whispered to them in public. Uh huh. My cheek and her hand disagree. You have to realize that “suggestive” is subjective. What’s dirty to one might be mundane to another.

8. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something you wouldn't want us catching you doing. Fuck, I’m cheating every time I jerk off? The awesome part is thoughts are just thoughts.

9. We don't always talk about our problems b/c we expect you to fix them. Sometimes we just want a sympathetic ear. You have friends (I’m assuming), so use them. See number 4.

10. Most women keep everything from past bfs (love letters, cards, stuffed animals, etc). They're mementos, not proof that we haven't moved on. Kind of like how an addict can quit anytime, they just don’t want to, right?

11. No quality woman will expect you to blow hundreds of dollars on her for pricey dates and expensive gifts. Oh good, because I thought my anniversary dinner at the local pub with the “$4.99 fish dinner special” was in bad taste. Glad we cleared that up.

12. But surprises and the occasional outing will earn you brownie points. Unless “brownie points” directly translates to “sex”, we probably don’t want them anyways. We appreciate a surprise 6-pack now and again by the way.

13. If a girl gives you something cheesy and home-made, it means she really likes you. Or a stalker. Any guy prefers a simple “Hey, I think you’re really cute. Let’s go out sometime”.

14. We ask questions we already know the answers to. It's not to trap you; it's to give you a chance to come clean. See number 2.

16. We will judge you if you spend more time on your appearance than we do. Oh sure, but God forbid we tell you the truth about how your hips look in a dress. If you judge, so will we. Fuck it, everyone judges anyways.

17. Don't shave your chest. Then stop drooling over men who do.

18. Acknowledge it when we leave you cute surprises or messages, or you won't get them anymore. Sexual attention is the acknowledgement. If you’re expecting a sonnet, stop watching so many Disney movies.

19. Foreplay is very important. Exactly. More blowjobs please.

20. Even if we respect and love them, we don't want to be compared to our mothers. Too bad, you will be. We’re told to look at your mothers to see how you’ll turn out.

21. We're less likely to bite your head off when we're pms-ing if you are patient with our mood swings. Even better if you give us chocolate. Just NEVER EVER say, "It must be that time of the month..." Extorting us for more shit? I’m surprised. Take a Midol and knock this shit off. I even know women who will call BS on others who use this. If hormones were a defense strategy, every guy from ages 13-26 would be innocent of everything.

22. You don't have to become bffs, but you have to try to get along with our friends. It really is the effort that counts. This is only an issue when your friends suck. Stop having sucky friends.

23. When a woman apologizes to avoid a fight, "i'm sorry" actually means, "i'm sorry you're stupid and disagree." So about this superiority complex you’ve got going, don’t worry. When we say “I’m sorry” we just mean “I’m saying this so I can stick my penis inside you again.”

24. We know men are usually oblivious to subtlety, but, for some reason, we'll still try. You could stop being stubborn, get some guts, and actually say what you mean. Doing the same thing repetitively expecting a different outcome…

25. Sorry to pop the myth, but women have bodily functions too. Good, we’re even. Don’t give us shit when we show ours.

26. Once you've fallen in a toilet, you'll understand why we ask you to put the seat down. Not our fault you weren’t blessed with a superior peeing apparatus. We aren’t going to coddle you. Look before you leap I suppose.

27. (And it's ok if you have bad aim. Just clean it up.) Duh. No guy is going to sit in his own piss.

28. We like to know what you're thinking. The mysterious brooding type may be sexy at first, but it gets old fast. Aren’t you ladies the ones who always claim to be so smart and telepathic anyways? Figure our shit out since you’re so damned clairvoyant. That’s what I thought.

29. Playfulness turns us on. Women like to tease and be teased. Our senses of humor are different. Most women either don’t like ours or can’t take a good joke. Expect there to be a learning curve and remember to refrain from slapping him.

30. We aren't as obsessed with your size as you probably are. The next time a guy gets dumped because of his size, I want you to remember what you just said. And hit yourself.

31. We become insecure if you never bring us around your friends or your parents. Um, grow the fuck up? All these insecurities and for no point at all. If we don’t bring you around, it doesn’t really mean anything.

32. Most women can take care of themselves, but it's cute when you're A LITTLE protective of us. Small things like calling to make sure we made it home safely go a long way. (That's also why we have you get rid of bugs -- that small demonstration of taking care of us.) I’ll call, that’s fine. Only girls are afraid of a harmless spider. Women are not. I only date women.

33. Once you tell us to do something, we won't do it even if we were going to before you ordered. So make your own damn sandwich. And if you want to get back on your girl's good side, make her one while you're at it. Small favors remember? If you ask us to take out the trash, we’re going to ask for a sandwich. Don’t forget the mustard.

34. A woman is not a vagina with legs. Please, we oogle every part of you. We will do this while talking to you too, no matter how gorgeous your eyes are.

35. Women are more susceptible to UTIs, so WASH YOUR HANDS. Don’t date a filthy guy. Problem solved.

36. We find you sexy when you're driving, fixing things, working out, singing, playing an instrument, and playing with children. So, basically when we’re doing shit for you? Got it.

37. When watching a movie together, cuddling is a must. Any guy knows this is a must. You know why? Cuddling is step one on the way to the bedroom. And we like that.

38. We want to be the most important thing in your life. Or at least ahead of gaming, pokemon, and your favorite band.  We’ll give you gaming/pokemon, but I’m sorry, The Black Keys are fucking fantastic. Their concert, our anniversary? Don’t worry, we bought you a ticket too.

39. Don't talk about the porn you watch.  What guy talks about the porn he watches (assuming the girl doesn’t)? Porn is the escape. Why would we bring in a nagging girl to our fantasyland?

40. If you love us, tell us. Don't assume that we know. Than stop claiming to know everything. Hypocrite.

Am I forgetting anything, ladies? Yeah, you forgot to ask the men.

So, I suppose this is my first real authentic blog entry for no other reason than I need to test out my new layout and see how it looks. It's not much different from my old one, save for some new colors, a border change, and of course the little birdies in the background. A reader said the pink gave it some character, so that stuck.

I don't really have much to say, though I do have an idea for a Mancouch submission that I may do sometime next week, time allowing; "Random Acts of Manliness". I came up with it today while walking to class.

See, I may just get to keep my wisdom teeth after all. Most of them have broken through to some degree, but they're not completely out yet and food tends to get stuck back there as a result. As I was walking to class, I discovered I had the largest piece of hash browns possible lodged on one of my wisdom teeth. My tongue and finger simply couldn't get a good angle. I was fucked. I did not have my Swiss Army Knife either, which is a Man-sin all on it's own, so I was without my toothpick. Doubly fucked.

I looked around for a possible substitute. I spot a long-needled conifer along my path and thankfully for me, there is low foot-traffic during class times. Not that it mattered, one or two people passed me anyways. I snapped off a needle and dug the starchy boulder out of its snug little crevice. The relief was immediate and tasty as I thought about how many people probably wouldn't have done what I just did.

I realize not everything in my mind is Mancouch worthy and so I have decided to possibly make these entries a regular thing. If biochem and molecular pathogenesis don't make me find new and creative ways to put my bodily chemistry in equilibrium (aka death, for those not of the science persuasion).